Sitting by the window thinking pretty thoughts! #gazingdownfloor38 #glasswindows #lifeonthego #buzzingstreets

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Quite often when i sit by the window to stare at that almost frozen space of blue…i wonder if that is the only hue…the vast nothingness interspersed with bits of life scattered here and there!

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I wonder if that’s what life is about…just a few glimmers of hope here and there? Or is it the other way round? Is there a horizon which is your awakening and the sprawling blues are your’s to conquer interspersed by some tiny pits only to keep you sober? To keep your feet firm on the ground while your mind and heart soar high like those birds in a fleet! Quite often I wonder, how ok is it to wander? In thoughts and in actions? To wander and settle down on what feels like home and your own ground…

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Quite often when I sit by the window and see those glittering lights, I wonder if they stand there in that crazy jam to set in a constant glitter in all those eyes for whom they are a sight? The glitter of hope, of love, of joys, of new beginnings, of tears…all of which make them human!

Quite often when I sit by the window, when I am still and aloof to my surroundings, I let my mind wander, I let my eyes pluck those glitters from the lights and I let my heart hold on to the sight before the make believe takes a flight!

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My journey from falling in love with London to landing into Canada and deciding not to come back hopefully and then landing back up here again and finally starting to like it despite my formidable self!

As I say to people who ask me about London, London was home…it felt so from the moment I set foot in! So I will not lament about home for that demands a separate post altogether but here are a few snippets just to give you an inkling into why London=Love!

This is a place I wanted to be in since childhood…got through colleges for education but then got persuaded by family to stay closer to home…and it continued to be a distant dream until it suddenly came true after a series of back and forth between US & UK( now that’s another story for a different day altogether)!

With family & friends around the corner and the joy of finally living my dream, those charming streets & the warmth(yes, lucky enough to have experienced plenty of it) exuded from every being I came across, the excitement of exploring it on my own with my lil one in tow for the initial few months, there was not much to complain(but then some complaint is basic to humans). Slowly life took over and the city became dearer and dearer to me. The nagging thought of having to go back some day was tucked away in the corner of the heart, almost forgotten. Nothing, absolutely nothing dissuaded my love for this fast yet so quaint city. The forever overcast skies, the absolute dearth of long sunny winter days, the haul back n forth in the local transit, homesickness, having just enough friends to keep me sane, all of these failed to stop me from falling in irrevocable love with this country, that many find daunting.
And then came a day when the visit to Canada was impertinent. We had to come by for a soft landing so to speak, and the move would follow suit.
Friends were kind enough to turn this into a holiday…but I wasn’t impressed. It was the beginning of March, winter wasn’t over yet and I felt instantly alarmed at the cold vibes that I couldn’t help but ignore, weather included ofcourse. No it wasn’t a bad stay but I knew for sure that I didn’t want to come back here soon.
We happily went back to our happy place and totally dropped the plan of moving to Toronto anytime soon. As fate would have it…our calling came soon after. Only a couple of months had gone by and we had the biggest bait in front of us to get us packing a bag..a different project in a different country with the same company…could one say no to this? Well, we didn’t then, but to date wish that we had. Nope, not ungrateful…just too stuck onto London!

 


Anyway, so the final move, amidst all the sorrow, unsettling times, leaving friends & family behind yet again, with a toddler in tow…happened in the beginning of November. The perfect time to witness the city catapult from it’s lovely fall colours(well…traces of which were left by the month of November) to those cold winter days with little but no colour. This time around, we saw the city from a different perspective. Immediately upon arrival we got stationed in Downtown. May be the beautiful housing or seeing the endless lights zigzag throughout the night, or the peppy music being played by E11 or the ease with which things started to fall in place, made us relent a little.
But how dare we see the world with rosy glasses! What seemed so smooth suddenly turned into a nightmare and we had to go rushing back home to tend to a broken family. Like they say, be careful when you pick up the broken pieces..you never know which one would end up piercing you, we had our fair share of piercings. Cutting the long story short…after spending more than a fortnight in India, we came back with as much valour as we had left. Scrambling but holding onto some broken pieces and broken souls, we were back amidst the cold…this time from an even cooler place.
The last few days made us see life from a different perspective and we were determined to stick it out. The grit was weaker but the sorrow kept us propelling forward and amidst that hustle, we witnessed the first complete snowfall in this city so diverse that it takes you by surprise everyday until you make it your own. I still remember gazing like an infatuated teenager waiting as sheet after sheet of beautiful delicate snowflakes covered the city with a plush white blanket.
The memory remains etched in my heart forever!

And thus began the unlearning of what I had almost forced myself to believe for the fear of embracing something unfamiliar .
Starting from those busy downtown streets, to discovering the path with the little one, to watching the lake freeze overnight, to slushy puddle jumping, to bone chilling cold, to the desire to brave it all and step out no matter what, to endless cold winter walks, to the sound of those happy feet and the look on the faces of home goers every evening to finally breaking the ice(quite literally so), we were falling for this place…..cautions & restraints still intact, we knew we had begun to budge.
I vaguely remember complaining about the vibe to a certain someone who promptly told me to wait for summers and I also remember a certain someone telling me how Toronto was still not home to a dear one after 15 long years here. Apprehensions, judgements, lack of too many empathetic souls and a couple of other factors ensured that the restraint remain put.
Life went on, we loved where we were living but time had come to move. The past 6 months seemed like a lifetime yet seemed to have flown by and we moved to what is called the heart of Toronto- midtown- the part replete with construction. I was yet again devastated on having to leave what I had made my home but then I guess life has off late been a vicious circle of settling in & uprooting.
In between this move, and a whole new process of settling down all over again, we witnessed the metamorphosis of the city from a bed covered with fine white linens to pink lined streets courtesy sprouting of Sakura- the beautiful season of cherry blossom. Drenched in rain, cold winds battered on my face while I walked with the lil one bundled up in his buggy to watch Sakura. And thus came the realisation of yet another dream.
The vividly glorious pink picture is a constant on my wallpaper.

Little did I know then that I will have opportunities galore to make several constants on the screen. Well…summer came in full bloom. Late but glorious in it’s warmth, this fuzzy warmth enveloped Toronto into something that I could have never imagined.                                        With spring in their steps, I could actually see the hearty welcome for summer in everyone’s eyes. Like a caterpillar’s journey from a cocoon to a pretty butterfly, the city revealed an altogether different facet in the first few days of June…and summer had only just begun! The days became longer and the sun hotter, flowers bloomed and so did the faces of Torontonians. While I write this, summers still continue and the rage is diminishing with every passing day. Knowing that the days outdoors are numbered & the city has a never-ending bucket list to offer, dare I miss a single opportunity to step outdoors for there are a host of things about Toronto that made me enjoy outdoors like never before!      Be it the picturesque beaches with pristine blue waters; endless walks on the various boardwalks; picnics at tree lined gardens all over the city; days out with the lil one at the multiple splash pads; mindless road tripping & encountering the most beautiful random pitstops; the back to back line up of various events in every nook & corner throughout the city; the celebrations cum gastronomic delights in the form of Italian, Greek, Indian, South Asian, Mexican, Food Truck festivals; the endless list sums up not just the beauty of the city, but bathed in the warmth of the summer, also makes it so much more warm and welcoming a place to be living in.
No, I am not in love yet. But I definitely am falling for you Toronto!

My Happy Place!

C6026A09-9ADC-41CD-A78B-75BAB476546C.jpegA place that calls out to you for you to call it your own! Confused?! So was I. Until I broke it down little by little…de threaded the delicate intricacies only to realise it all starts with YOU! It’s your perception and your life situations and most of all your reactions to these seemingly uncontrollable situations. Uncontrollable right?! Then why give in to them and let them determine your state of mind which otherwise can be perpetually neutral if not necessarily happy? Easier said than done, I know! For I am a victim myself. There…the victim card! Haven’t we had enough of playing the victim card? I say, let situations not make us a victim, let situations not decide what state of mind we will be in for today, for days to come! Let us instead learn to tame the dragon and own the place for it to become our own no matter what the situation.

Contrasts!

There is some peace in those calm waters. There is an unsettling turbulence in those soaring waves.

AE702194-28CC-4A4D-8412-B2AA0B835C21There is progress in that fierce sunny glaze and there is uncertainty in those dark clouds hiding the sun’s rays.

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There is new life sprouting in those sprawling greens and there is some stillness in those wilting leaves. There is darkness lurking in that corner and there is light at the end of that tree lined path.

C318C865-90B1-4874-9FA9-1A1546020DC0There is sheer joy behind that smile and there is a sad queer behind that sullen face.

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All this holds true and the vice versa too, for what is apparent to the eye also leaves something to spy….

Walk..

C0016B80-F7ED-4300-B7C4-F37C65088505Walk my love, for the world is your’s to explore…the unknown terrains and the familiar ones lay ahead of you, for you to discover, to cherish, to memorise, to stumble upon, to learn to be cautious, to love and rejoice in the beauty of this uncertainty..
Walk my love, for this love for you is the most unadulterated one ever..it’ll guard you against deceptions, teach you to love uninhibitedly, to believe, to give and to demand what is your’s, to learn your lessons first hand, to test your wings and to have faith in the beauty of this uncertainty..
Walk my love, for home awaits at every juncture and at the end of every terrain, be it rough or smooth, be it in sorrow or joy, through learnings and wipe outs, for life awaits in our arms and outside of them too..
#weekending #lovesofmylife #myboys #londondiaries

Of raging storms.. #heartovermind #weekendmusings #myveryownrespite

5E9050CE-0E8A-4F16-AB0F-D359C58CB503There are times when a connection just snaps off…there are no words exchanged but you know the feelings have changed for good..

When you know you have to go that extra mile, when there were days when it was just so effortless..

When your heart aches for you to strike that happy cord again but your mind holds you prisoner..

What do you do when the nagging thought won’t let you be, but just being isn’t what you seek?

What do you do when the memories no matter how distant, keep coming back to you, urging you to break the ice coz in the end it’s all about sugar and spice right? You ought to take your share of salt with the sweet!

What do you do when there is no respite?

The wings that won’t fly!

The eternal quest..the quest of unknown; that of a happy place.. & pretty wings of courage and desire; those that won’t fly unless you are willing to let go..

Once in flight, there’s new desire alight at every dip and fall; but courage knows better course..one that’s almost a free fall of-course. And that’s when you learn to with hold or to let go..for the wings are pretty and meant for flight..so fly you must and go on with your quest.